On Abuse, Anger, and Self-Assertion

November 18, 2018Kirstin Hotelling Zona

True healing is only something we can give to ourselves, which means that chronic anger—an emotion that keeps us focused externally—prevents internal healing in the name of self-preservation. But invulnerability in the guise of self-preservation is the insidious cost of anger unexamined. What my own journey of healing has taught me, above all else, is that true self-preservation necessitates feeling fully—with curiosity and compassion, and very often slowly, bit by gentle bit—the very pain we’ve been avoiding when we focus obsessively on the person or circumstance that has hurt us or caused us to feel afraid.  

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